i’m in a strange time and mindset. i’m in the ‘in-between’. i thought today that i should get drunk, but i don’t really like to drink. somehow i had this image of everything being okay if i could just let loose and ‘get hammered’. funny. i haven’t been drunk in years because i don’t like the feeling during or after. wonder where that thought came from?
maybe i thought if i was in an alternate state, i could see my life more clearly? just writing that sounds ridiculous. i’m more clear-headed than i’ve ever been in my life.
i’m in transition. my children are safely(?) tucked into college life. they’re growing into young adults with their own path to discover. my husband is patiently waiting for me to sell or lease our home in one state and move to another to be with him. i’m looking forward to it. i’m also struggling with it. hence my strange and transitional state of mind.
from all i’ve read and been taught over the last few decades, i’ve come to know that this is the place of potentially tremendous growth, both spiritually and as a human being. i know that when i allow myself to ‘be’ in this vast unknown, life will open and be gracious and wondrous.
so as moving day approaches, i will most likely have more days like these. lost in the ‘in-between’ and learning how to be okay with it. watching my thoughts, my behavior, my eating habits. not masking the feelings, but moving through them as i begin to prepare for the physical move. paying attention to the gut reaction, the second brain as well as the cranial one, knowing that great and beautiful things are everywhere.