in a previous blog, i jokingly talked about buying my 19 year old daughter patience and common sense. looking back, i didn’t possess those qualities at that age. i didn’t even know what they were. i had just separated from my first marriage because of impatience and impulsivity, among many other difficulties.
patience has a slow learning curve. i’m still working on understanding what it means and implementing it at the beginning of a situation or circumstance, yet it often comes later rather than earlier. i find myself getting frustrated or upset and it’s only after the fact that i see where my patience was absent.
common sense comes easier nowadays, possibly due to all the idiotic, impulsive behavior and decisions in the past that i’ve learned and grown from. common sense is when we see the truth of the situation, the reality, in the moment and act or don’t react given that truth. it is making thoughtful decisions and not rash, impulsive ones.
so, having had time to contemplate, patiently, the experience of having my daughter home for the holidays, i can see how i require behavior and decision making from her that i didn’t possess until my thirties. and, since she is an Aspergers individual, the concept of common sense is learned, not inherent, so this too will improve over time. the real question is – how can i require certain behavior of someone else at an early age that i didn’t have at that same age? or, more to the point, how can i require anything from anyone when i don’t possess it myself? or, better still, how can i require anything from anyone?