i’m on Day 12 of Deepak Chopra‘s Abundance Meditation Challenge. the meditation was on abundance and the law of intention and desire.
i always set my intention of loving others and thought that to be the most crucial of intentions. but i had an epiphany this morning, one that brought me to my knees.
my intention (unconsciously) has always been to make myself lovable. this realization has left me both deeply saddened and deeply grateful.
sad that, after all these years of searching and learning and meditating and opening up to whatever comes, i still have (had) this childhood psychological shackle that limits and confines my ability to love and accept. because in order to truly love, i must love myself first.
grateful that, after all these years, i can see it for what it is and understand why i’ve been constrained and inhibited in my love for others. i don’t (didn’t) believe i am (was) lovable enough.
wow. i’ll be sitting with this for awhile. it answers many questions. it solves many riddles in my life. the residue of growing up is thick and sticky and dark, but worth the time it takes to clean it up and see the light.