for instance, taking a shower this afternoon, i recognized significant changes in my hygiene paraphernalia. where my husband is using purchased shampoo and conditioner, i have two jars and a bottle of apple cider vinegar. one jar has a lid and is filled with baking soda and water – my shampoo. the other jar is a preserves jar with the label still half visible – include apple cider vinegar and warm water and you have my conditioner. and no razor in sight.
this is a scene that i would have not understood a few years ago. i would’ve seen it as weird and a little messy. it causes me to laugh at myself for the rigidity of thought and practice in all the years before now.
another new change is with my facial cleanser. i would typically move from product to product, searching for that fountain of youth in a bottle. now i use a blend of castor and olive oil, along with a hot, moist cloth. this not only takes off the sunscreen and make up, it also leaves my skin smooth and soft. and at a tiny fraction of the cost. and let’s give a shout out for baking soda in lieu of toothpaste!
this search for the perfect product to create perfection is something i’ve been looking into, on a spiritual level, over the past few years. originally, it was my strange attempt at making up for being “less than,” that feeling i received from childhood imprinting. and of course it runs throughout every aspect of my waking life.
living in portland, oregon part time, i’ve learned to let go a little more. using natural products, not obsessing about cleanliness and what others will think and say about whatever mess is going on at any moment in our home. these situations don’t turn me into a maniacal manipulator anymore. thank you, portland.
i still get worked up over little things, have difficulty with confusion and chaos and sometimes perseverate over and after potential conflict, but all in all, each day is better and brighter than the one before. it takes time, patience, being awake and consistency and i’m good with that. because i’m good with life.