Breaking Point

manipulationrecently, i’ve experienced a welling up of emotion that i believed was only a distant memory. the wave of anger i feel toward a particular individuals actions caught me completely by surprise. when i try to put it into words, all i can do is feel it. feel it twist in my gut, feel it burn from my neck to the top of my head, feel my mind spin.

i’m working on staying in the moment. that is my practice. this persons actions come and go in my mind throughout the day and i can move back into now.  but right now, as i write this, they’ve all been brought to the surface again. i will be sitting and meditating today, breathing into the feelings, allowing them to fully surface so that i may look and see, really see what this experience is.

this reaction comes from my childhood somewhere. along the way, someone has withheld something precious from me, just out of reach. someone i thought was on my side, someone who may have been loving and giving toward others, but not to me. we all have those people in our lives. ones we want to believe are worthy of love and yet behave often in ways that boggle and confuse us. this individual has withheld something very precious from someone i deeply love. and manipulated them financially and emotionally. just the thought of it . . . well, you know what i mean.

so i’ll be sitting today, breathing, meditating, stepping into a warm bath to aid in the rising emotional knot pressing in my gut searching for a way through. breathe, tari, breathe. . .

About tari brand

Hi everyone! I'm so glad you're here. I hope you move closer to what your spiritual truth is in this place we call earth from reading my journal. I've been investigating for over 30 years why we're here, in this moment, and have found countless ways to help others relax and enjoy the ride. Hope you'll join me!
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4 Responses to Breaking Point

  1. Anonymous says:

    Spring comes every year.This thought helps me when I think of the Frozen Ones.

  2. Nancy Williams says:

    I’M SO SORRY YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THIS PAIN RIGHT NOW IF YOU NEED TO TALK PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CALL ME I HAVE OPEN EARS AND BROAD SHOULDERS AND I LOVE YOU

    ________________________________

  3. I wish you well… I’ve been “spinning” in a reaction that keeps “getting set off” in my heart/mind, through the past several months..bewildering at times, disconcerting at other times. The positive aspect of such reaction could be that it may provide an opportunity to release a habitual pattern and lead to more lightness and freedom. Sending supportive wishes to you.
    ( many good, helpful ideas in a book I’m reading… “The Four Insights” by Alberto Villoldo…. working through perceived challenges at the symbols level, rather than the language level… wisdom from indigenous wisdom people of South America)

    • tari brand says:

      thank you for that. some time has lapsed since i wrote the post and i see it more clearly now. funny how we think past issues have been resolved, then they rear their heads again, breathing fire at our insecurities. maybe to shed light on them, as you say. your kind words are welcome and i will look into the four insights. have a beautiful day!

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